Okay so I have to go do stuff but I’m gonna leave y’all with a story
I knew a kid in high school who was kind of a stoner/slacker type, right? We all know someone like this. And one day I mention Dave Strider in class and he looks up and goes “THE AUTHOR OF SWEET BRO AND…
SOMEBODY IS PLAYING A PIANO AND IT’S MIDNIGHT HERE WHY
UPDATE: I FIGURED OUT THEY’RE PLAYING “MY HEART WILL GO ON”
UPDATE: I JUST OPENED MY DOOR AND YELLED “JACK” THE MUSIC STOPPED AND I CAN HEAR SOMEBODY RUNNING DOWN THE HALL ABOVE ME SHOUTING “ROSE” OMG
CAN I SHIP IT
No, itll sink
so I’m at a gas station getting RED BULL AND THE GUY INFRONT OF ME IS TRYING TO GET CONDOMS AND HIS CARD GOT FUCKING DECLINED AND THIS LITTLE OLD WOMAN BEHIND ME WHISPEREd “he just got cock blocked by visa” I FUCKING SHAT MYSELF
the other day i went with a friend to the museum, and outside its entrance, was greeted with this:
eight cats. sitting there. perfectly still. everyone around them was cooing and taking pictures but those cats did not budge. for a moment i was actually wondering whether that was supposed to be some sort of experimental new performance art.
but then one lady came out of the museum and they all got up and followed after her. good god, i hope they’re her cats. i hope they do this everywhere she goes. just follow after her and patiently wait outside every building she enters like the world’s most disciplined children.
Exactly. THANK YOU :)
there was a monarch butterfly outside with a torn wing and i thought it was dead so i went to pick it up off the ground with a flower but it began to hurriedly clutch onto it trying to drink something. it was totally trembling; it had a gash on it’s body and i knew it was dying but i couldn’t bring myself to kill it, so i googled a monarch’s favourite food and it ended up being mandarins. he literally devoured as much as he could before dying and i buried him outside my window.
You’re a good person
"if you’re straight then why did you say she was hot"
yo i’m straight not blind
One time a nun at my school saw a hot guy and said “woah God did a nice job on that one” and we all looked at her like ??? and she goes “I’m allowed to look at the menu I just can’t order”
I have a story for you, Homestuck fandom.
Myself and whisper-through-the-wall were at FanimeCon this past weekend, and we left to get pizza. While in line, this woman approached us because she was so fascinated with whisper’s Gamzee costume. She asked each of her 3 older children to pose with her for a picture, but they were all to terrified to even come close. Finally she handed whisper her baby and said “Here, take a picture with my baby.”
I cannot express how fucking hilarious this situation was. I mean, what isn’t great about Gamzee holding some random-ass baby while it looks at him like “THE FUCK IS THIS?”
So I kindly ask of you Tumblr, let’s make this photo famous.
I saw this and thought it needed to have a little Caliborn edited onto it.
of all the princesses we met at Disney Aurora was the best for two solid reasons. First she recognized Stephen’s keyblade necklace and said “is that a key? I know someone who has something like that his name’s Sora. How did you get it so small? Did my fairy godmothers shrink it? They’re always doing that” Then we told her about the stepsisters in the parade trying to marry one of us and she said “Cinderella loves her sisters dearly but they’re always like that with my Prince Phillip I have to tell them that he’s spoken for.” And Stephen said “yeah well they’re not getting my prince charming!” so Aurora replied “that’s good you protect him! You princes deserve each other!”
perfect princess is perfect
When Lilo graduated from High School, Grand Councilwoman immediately calls her and tells her that she is really interested for her to become a future Captain of the Galactic Armada, but for her to do that she will first have to attend G.A.C.C. (Galactic Alliance Community College). Lilo is happy for the offer, but says that she will only accept if Stitch could go with her.
With the Councilwoman’s approval, both friends waste no time to pack their bags, excited of what their future awaits.
I would watch this so hard